Things got a bit spun around in the last few days. Monday's post, which was all about what a charming day Saturday was, turns out to have been retrospectively inaccurate based on things heard and seen afterward. Then came the decision announcement on Murad, and that sort of sent me over the cliff a bit. As far as I was concerned, that race had been done and gone, and in my head the whole thing had turned into a non-event, a hole in the time/space continuum. Then of course we got the decision which found that I had in fact been in a group that was dropped and chasing back, and that the people who screamed by when I was locking up the brakes because, you know, there was a fucking horse going psychotic in the middle of the race, which horse had a rider struggling (eventually unsuccessfully) to hold on and regain control of the horse. And the ref was trying desperately to get people to stop. And then didn't know that there was a group which hadn't stopped. It was a shitty situation, I know this and I appreciate it, and I STILL accept it. What I don't accept is the explicit endorsement of a bunch of people who did the markedly WRONG thing, figuring maybe they'd send flowers later and make it all better. Why couldn't we just call a spade a spade and say "shit happens, a situation beyond any reasonable control of the refs happened, we tried to get things sorted and the best solution we came up with was to let the results stand. Call it what you will." And yes, I realize that you could easily call my saying this in this venue chicken shit, as well indeed it might be. But who wants another 50 email battle on the MABRA list? Add to that some offensive moral flexibility on some very black and white rules (even to the point of people stating that their moral flexibility - oh f it let's call a spade a spade - their intention to just plain cheat - is pre-conceived), and it turned into something of a trip through the looking glass for me. Things clearly weren't what they seemed.
So, following that, I decided that the relatively shiny happy tone of Monday's post was false, and that the expedient solution was to just pull the post. And I think that there's been some measure of false shiny-happiness to my posts for a while. Racing's wicked fun, that's why I do it. Despite some breaking in pains, the team I'm on is the balls, and even if we've yet to get our system clicking and pull in results like we'd want to, being on the team is the shit. And our new arm warmers are the most balls sexy things you've ever seen. But racing brings out the worst in a lot of people (fortunately they aren't team mates of mine), or maybe just the normal in a lot of people, and a lot of times it pisses me off. Not just the normal "man, that's some some f-d up shit going on" type of deal, but pretty substantially beyond that. And there's every reason to conclude that the physiological gyrations that I cause myself with these responses is both making racing less fun than it should be (duh) and also hampering my performance. SERENITY NOW!!!
Leave it to the Krauts to have a perfect expression for my situation: weltschmerz. So what we're going to do is turn up the filters. Facebook account? Blown up. I never posted anyway, but the incoming noise I no way needed. NPR? Off. There's nothing I can do about most of the crap I hear about other than get upset, so I'll take a scoop of that blissful ignorance, thanks. List servers? If I need to know something I can look at the groups page, no need to have any of that crap - even in digests - shoved into my grill. Goldman? Who gives a shit? My main 401(k) account is up 27% trailing 12 months and 10 and change annualized over the 4 years that I've been working on that account. My strategy's working great, fuck Lloyd Blankfein. Greece? Let's face it, we're all in the coal mine, expecting shit that we aren't willing to pay for. What can one person do? I guess if you can live with yourself and don't feel like you're getting screwed any worse than anyone else, what else can you expect? Root for your teams, do your intervals, don't chase your team mates, kiss your wife and tell her you love her, and step out into the wide wide world. But listen to me on this last one - wear sunscreen.
By no means do I expect any switches to respond to this. The patient may be in recovery for quite some time. The sanguinity (I think I made that word up) with which the patient may choose to respond (or not) to the actions of people who probably should have a little harder time living with themselves is no endorsement of their actions. I'll just try to do right by the people who merit it and get along from there.
This morning, I earned the significant honorific of being referred to as "ras" by the Jamaican electricians, and really, what the hell else do I need? Oh, and any reference to Sunday was indeed accurate, it was a wicked fun mountain bike ride and just the kind of thing I need in order not to be such an obvious roadie in mountain bike races.