Monday, 14 March 2011

The Out There is Pretty Cool Out There

My picture phone has secretly been downing all the beer I haven't been downing.

A pretty cool office this guy's got for himself.

We got a lot closer than this but didn't go up.

I wish to convert one of these into a house. It would give our kids a leg up on the world when they are asked "what, were you raised in a barn?"

The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be.

Had fun at work all day Saturday but got a chance to get a trainer session in late in the day. You know how enjoyable it is to do 90' worth of tempo/threshold criss-cross in a job site trailer with no fan? I didn't know whether I was going to asphyxiate or drown in a pool of my own sweat first - they were both in the break and taking mad pulls. Fortunately the clock had men on the front the whole time and pulled them back just before the line.

Sunday was a great ride. I saw a very scary and unholy alliance that made me fear for the sanity of masters races this year. As we were rolling out MacArthur, two of the fastest geezers made the turn off of Persimmon Tree. "Holy F" thinks I, "if those two are working together this year, that ain't good for anyone. Especially me." That might have added a bit of impetus to what I was doing.

Someone needs to invent a way to hide ponytails. If you ride with a mujere, especially a very fast one, you CAN NOT make it through a ride without some cock jockey doing some asshatted thing to spare his ego. We were going up Angler's at a steady pace, the kind of steady pace that we wanted to keep for three plus hours, so we were actually reined way the f in from where you would normally go up Angler's. About halfway up, we passed three dudes pretty decisively, giving friendly greetings in hope of avoiding the inevitable as we did. The reason that the inevitable is called the inevitable is because it is assuredly not evitable, and not a minute later there were these three guys standing and hammering it past us, only to barely get around and then completely drop anchor. So the three of us have to move left into the road in order to keep our pace. We're rolling on by them at the top and maintain the same effort as we get onto Falls, so of course we accelerate quite a bit. Hoping against hope that they hadn't decided that the world was their group ride, I maintained our moderately uncomfortable pace and didn't try to slam it to gap them or anything. Sure enough, two minutes later, two of them come past, standing and hammering, get in the front and pull the f-ing handbrakes. This time, they had the grace to drop their other guy in doing this. We all get stuck in the light at River, and the ringleader of their circus tells me "hey - nice pull!" What are you going to do? Tell him that it wasn't a pull, that it's the effort we intend on keeping basically to Sugarloaf and back? I can't f-ing stand this crap. "Thanks." Fortunately they pull off into the parking lot of that new Big Wheel Bikes on Falls. I know I sound like the worst stereotypical roadie fascist douchebag saying that shit, but I can't understand why people must do this shit and why oh why does it never happen when it's just dudes on the ride? The girl we were riding with would knock you down and beat you with a cane like you were a misbehaving adolescent on vacation in Malaysia, bitches.

The rest of the ride was really nice.

Sneak preview. These are freaking hot.


TCR James said...

That is vintage BikeTrail Guy / Pathlete behavior. Soooooo irritating. You can't get in front of them because they'll kill themselves to get in front of you. You can't ride their wheel because inevitably they handle like a rogue snake at a backwoods revival meeting, and they can't keep even a modest pace once they've blown up passing you. Total inconsiderate dickweed behavior and you're not a jerk for pointing that out, any more than you'd be a jerk for pointing out it's bad manners to drop your pants at a wedding reception and moon one of the maids of honor who'd rejected your advances.

I've noticed a similar thing in MTB races where a sagging guy will get visibly upset at getting passed, then kill himself to make a pass back before the next tough section of trail. There's only one tactic for dealing with that, and that is you ride the effer's wheel until his oxygen haze, the stress of you being on his wheel and his own riding above his head in a technical section causes him to crash. Mountain biking is nice because shitty and dumbass behavior - our own and everybody else's - usually self-polices.

Forgive them Dave, for they know not what they do. And if they do, then they're just assholes plain and simple and you should say "hey, did you enjoy the warmup? We're getting ready to hammer, you should join us" and then take them out and drop them in East Buddha.

outlaw105fan said...

Dude, that's some funny shit. But better it happens to you guys than me...LOL